firstname.lastname@example.org was a fraandship troll machine. An Orkut loyalist, he flooded pretty girl’s pages with his (s)craps. Lost within the interweb, obsessed with ‘asl’, our cool guy was heading in one direction – Nowhere.
On a Monday afternoon, when Cool Guy was going through albums of many girls and clicking pictures of them with his super cool 1.3 megapixel camera, a voiceover guy – the one we hear in commercials and radios, approached him and in his deep, convincing voice said, “(Chuckle) Cool guy, I am here to change your life. Sway with my convincing voice and buy a smartphone”.
As Cool Guy heard this, he could see Main Samay Hoon guy nod in approval. It was time for him to change. He went ahead and bought Being Human t-shirts, G-shock watch, branded flip-flops and sporting sunglasses he walked into the Mobile Store. “I iz smart. Give mez smartphone”. Reincarnation happened. There was background music in the store and then cool guy walked out, a changed man. What followed are awesome stories of cool guy being awesome.
“I’m at a cool bar (Mumbai, Maharashtra) 4sq.com”
“I just unlocked the “I’m ze coolest” badge on @foursquare 4sq.com”
“I just ousted THAT GUY as the mayor of cool shopping mall on @foursquare 4sq.com”
When the world was busy checking out places in magazines, Cool Guy was checking in at all the cool places. And checking in with him were other cool people. The Orkut tag was out. And geotagging was in. A man on the move now had many moves beyond asl and fraandship requests. He had a new-found weapon – the BB Pin. With a new avatar and a new DP, he was slowly turning into a lady-killer. Often looking at his paunch, cool guy was adorably called the Blackberry Boy. His awkward dance number was a rage amongst the crowd. Before you knew it, he was touted as the best belly dancer in the country. Youtube was buzzing.
With this new-found fame and a higher social status, Cool Guy started updating his Facebook status. “Some Mark Zuckerburg fellow called me and told me about this cool site”, he said before he took over this social networking giant. His statutes were funny, witty, emotional and some were inspiring quotes that he picked up from a funny site called Google. And all this on the move. In cabs, offices, meetings, parties, when he slept, when he woke up, his statuses were making the world a better place. “Multi-tasking is so cool”, his t-shirt read. A superhero of the online world was now getting friendship requests, and he was loving every bit of it. When Mark Zuckerberg invited him for a product development meeting, he was contacted from an agent who had a blue bird on his shirt. His father’s last words rang in his head, “Chance pe dance beta, chance pe dance”. And chance he did upon this opportunity. Twitter had become his latest platform. “TheOfficialCoolGuy”, his official handle.
With millions of followers, he had become a celebrity. His dating record was off the charts. And that too without exchanging numbers. DMs or Direct Messages as known on twitter had become his playground. Twitter had made an exception for Cool Guy. He need not follow all to have a DM conversation. Extreme coolness does that to you. It comes with privileges.
How could Bollywood be far? It was just about time. At an award function, many of the Bollywood stars were wanting his autograph. Being the cool guy he is, Cool Guy also added a personal note at the end of each. Then he bumped into one of the biggest superstars – Salman Khan. “Hey bro, what is your cool WAP site bro?” On hearing this, Cool guy started laughing. Then he said, “What’s with the accent brother, and which age do you live in. Ze WAP site is gonez. Use OPERA browser and check out the website”. After a few drinks and Salman giving 40 missed calls to his girlfriend, they started a multi-player game. And of course, Cool Guy won. But Salman was not ready to accept defeat.
Cool Guy left Salman and his shirt alone and walked away, only to be interrupted by Shahid Kapur. Shahid came in with a request. “Man, can you just clear my name from the MMS scandal. I was using a PDA phone. I thought it was fair to upload my PDA through my PDA phone.” Cool Guy patted his back and asked him to leave a Facebook message about the same.
As he was about to leave the function, Abhishek Bachchan caught up with him. “Hey Cool Guy, you have a minute. I wanted to congratulate you on the invention of Instagram. I mean what an Idea sirjee. 3G?” Cool Guy slapped him and asked him to stop this nonsense. Abhishek Bachchan was just trolled by the troll face.
The coolness of Cool Guy was infectious. The news had spread all the way to the parliament. “Members of the parliament, Cool Guy is the face of the nation now. We must hold him in high regard. We cannot give him the Bharat Ratna yet. And we cannot make him a member because he will pwn us with all the Coolness. Mr. Suresh Kalmadi, we want you to write an apology letter to Cool Guy and request him to continue with the coolness.”
Cool Guy had moved up the social ladder and how. With the power of internet, he had taken over the country by storm and also the world. Nike, Coke, Ray Ban and the likes are waiting to sign a deal with him. Exclusive merchandise will soon be out. Last heard Cool Guy was hanging out with Steve Jobs shazaming it in a local bar at New York. I would like to end this piece on Cool Guy’s mantra – “Don’t be foolesh. Be Coolesh”.