I warned you not to jump into the pyre!

The first man after Adam, John Connors was lost in time while playing hide and seek with his geek friends. His wandering mind and social experiment with attaining Eureka, did not allow him to travel back or further in the case to his time using logic. Bored and impatient, he stumbled upon a few nude men burning wood. He thought he was in Stone Age. The lack of availability of bacon was really frustrating at this point. His anal habit to crack unfunny jokes to a disinterested audience was itching now. He wanted to impart knowledge to these men, and fondly remembered the faces of his best audience – the suicidal lab rats at Skynet.

What you don’t know about John Connors is that he was a failed sous chef at The Tin Factory Gourmet. John was always weak at Math. He always aspired to be a Stand Up comic, but being an armchair critic, he was trapped under an occupational hazard.

But in a different place, at a different time, the rules really did not matter. And being rebellious was not really his thing, it was just a forced character trait written by the scriptwriter. So, getting back to the fire and nude men, or an audience as he saw it, he decided to give stand up comedy a shot. Here is an account of how that went:

(Response stated here is unanimous in nature)

John: You must be wondering how I landed up here…well, blame it on the GPS and the female who directed me here, what was I thinking, women and directions!

Response: Facepalm

John: Oh…kay. I guess you people need to “warm up” to my humour.

Response: Blank stares

John: Ok, let me give you some real juicy gossip from the inside. When I was shooting with Arnie, I found his voice rather strange. I thought that robotic monotone was a master move for the role. But later I realized, that’s how he spoke.

Response: Facepalm

John: Ok, what’s your problem? And why is there no bacon. Why did you start the fire in the first place?

That’s when Billy Joel stood up from the back. John started laughing when this happened. But the eerie silence made him stop. Turns out, Billy wanted to go and piss. What he said later made John piss in his pants first.

Billy Joel: “I’ll be back”

John then had an epiphany which he thought could save himself the embarrassment. He decided to play Phoenix and jumped into the fire. Before his eyes burnt, he looked at everyone enjoying crispy bacon.

Jake Sully had tears in his eyes after looking at the sad demise of his childhood hero. Eywa could not stop it. Aiwa did not broadcast it. Such sadness had taken over. Back in the ship, Jake was updating his log.

Day 964, 11.45 pm.

Times in Pandora are tougher than ever. Guy Kremer has increased his rates. Valet parking as a concept miserably failed. Ewya did not find merit in Supper. Aiwa failed to do business here as well. Simon Cowell has a huge fan base. And Alex Ferguson still has not gotten a valid Visa to enter. John Connor paid a visit though. Then he jumped into the fire. In a moment of madness, Billy Joel wrote a song. I think it’s going to be a rage. Also, I had texted John not to jump into the pyre. But it’s not his fault, Vodafone is still nascent here.


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