NOT A MOVIE REVIEW. NOT EVEN THE “HOW IT MADE ME FEEL” NONSENSE.
The hype had attracted fans and MI newbies to the latest addition of the franchise. IMAX was where all the action was supposed to be. Hell, even Tom Cruise landed here for the premiere. What more could one ask for.
Pre-booked smug duds. Lucky souls to get tickets on current. Anil Kapoor bashers. I prefer older men – Tom Cruise lovers. All were cramping themselves in. Pop corn tubs and Pepsi had taken over more than half of the seats.
It was time for the award-winning (I will use crippled children for emotion advertising) National Anthem. I hated the anthem since day one, because this is how messed up advertisers think. It’s a professional bug and I cannot get over it. The only reason I can stand the anthem is because it’s been shot in my school. Although I love my school (Bosco Bosco Bosco, Don Bosco), the ideologies of the management are very similar to that of the advertisers. Make people cringe, fall in love with your nobility, mint money and garner accolades for the same. So the two coming together for a “Noble Cause” was a master move!
Coming back to the Mission Impossible pun at hand. When it comes to rising up for the national anthem, what you witness is an Indian family with erratic mood swings. Here is a list of people you’d often find in cinema halls
- The lazy uncle who will make it appear like he’s a paraplegic and he’s being tortured to get up.
- The roving eye teenager who will scan the auditorium for a hot girl
- The-Anna-Hazare-I-Wanna-Break-My-Fast fat boy/girl who either eats while the anthem is on or is placing an order to a friend outside
- The Airtel subscriber who thinks “Har phone call zaroori hota hai”
- ALL WOMEN who will tidy their hair and then stand confused as to where should their hands be – behind, on the side, folded arms, Christ lock, etc.
- What? One more chance to stuff my pockets with my hands? That guy.
- I’m too cool to sing the national anthem people.
- The annoying crying kid who doesn’t know what the hell is happening.
- The “I was the last to get up” guy
- The “I was the first to sit” guy
There are many other losers who will surprise you with their antics. Once I saw a woman holding her husband’s hand behind her daughter’s back. I never understood that emotion. There are many who take pride and sing as well, but they are easily outnumbered.
While the Indian family was up to its regular antics, there was a rather heartwarming sight right next to me. One you don’t see often these days. A couple had come to see the movie with their toddler girl child who could barely talk, let alone walk. Although she raised havoc later by crying her heart out, her father made one of the best gestures, one that all should model. As all stood up for the national anthem, he held her daughter in such a way that it looked like even she was standing. That was a beautiful moment. One that overshadowed all the wrongs that were happening around me. It brought a huge smile on my face. And that touched me more than the “Silent National Anthem” ever will.
The movie was fun. Bird Brad brought his wiz to the table. You will find your money’s worth just for that Burj Khalifa scene. Anil Kapoor did a nice cameo, but he can do without the accent. I just think it’s the Salman Khan effect.
A nation swimming with false national pride needed a ghost protocol to set things straight. It was a Ghost Protocol indeed. And as Ethan Hunt would say, “Mission Accomplished.