Where do I start? Beginnings are always important, they mark the things to follow, I’ve seen this pattern develop with many, it makes a good read, but then the text about to follow doesn’t promise the same. Don’t wanna conform to a pattern that works, because I don’t function that way. Some term me rebellious, their assumption too comes from a pattern…I take tangents, arrest your eyes here, and let it register, I take tangents. Not in a mood to frame something here, so there will be no efforts to streamline, process and all. Take it as a rant, but then it’s not exactly that, objectively yes! But if want to give this piece a term, it would be penning down thoughts rapped in polythene. I like the way words function, a twist here and there, and the form that presents itself is beautiful, because it opens a perspective, horizons if I may add.
Let me start with this beautiful poem that embodies ‘Before Sunrise’:
Oh, baby with your pretty face
Drop a tear in my wineglass
Look at those big eyes
See what you mean to me
Sweet cakes and milkshakes
I am a delusion angel
I am a fantasy parade
I want you to know what I think
Don’t want you to guess anymore
You have no idea where I came from
We have no idea where we’re going
Launched in life
Like branches in the river
Caught in the current
I’ll carry you. You’ll carry me
That’s how it could be
Don’t you know me?
Don’t you know me by now?
In relate to this, at some levels, and not altogether! I’m on a similar wave now, swaying with the tide, there is someone arresting this current, crashing into me. It’s like the song goes, “like a lazy ocean hugs the shore, hold me close, sway me more”. If you ask me how is this feeling? I’d say:
This one word sums it up for me, every other term has adulterations, all are decorated, and this somehow remains unscathed. Is she my Clementine, my Dominique? The answer is neither. I try to find someone who fits a particular mould. An old friend points out, you look at mannequins, and not people. But then this search for the utopian has found me one who comes close, and reiterates the fact that there are people like her around. And it also says, individualism is not a farce. So, what do you when you find someone like that? One explores, I did that, and am continuing to do so. Of course, there are certain rocky patches that you have to ride through and you do. But it’s like my idea found a form, human! It’s an emotion which fits, so its not raw or unheard of, it’s more like a relative one. And I like that. It’s complicated alright, but then can transcend that. Consciously. Difference between means and end! I prefer the former and hence can look beyond!
“I live in my own world”. Many have said it before, last coming from a close friend, few hours back. And I know I do. “You may say I’m a dreamer”, and I wont deny it. The associations that I’ve built are vague for the commoners, but common amongst my blood people. Why are we a scarce lot? Why are we few scattered here and there?
Anyways, sometimes I feel like a book character, fictional. I’m not saying my world is delusional, and reality is a check I need. I’m quite good at the balancing act. Associations drive my life. I let them. And it makes me happy; I can live without compromises most of the time. When I have to compromise, I do and deal with it. But then that’s just existence.
As the limp bizkit cover says,
“It’s a bittersweet,
Just tryin’ to make ends meet.
You’re a slave to the money,
Then you die.
There’s no change…”
This seems to be the way people lead. Many don’t go into the fathoms of their own mind, satiated easily. And this is the definition of life of most surrounding me. I can’t live that way; cannot let life humble me, for this herd, phases of life are defined by society and not their own fucking mind. Hate that! But then on the flipside, it also makes me envy them, because they’re blissfully ignorant! And the rumble that goes in our minds, hardly ever goes through theirs, they have more worldly issues to worry about, but then that’s it.
Makes me ponder on Alexander Pope’s words:
“How happy is the blameless vestal’s lot!
The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!
Each pray’r accepted, and each wish resign’d”
Many love the above quote, because they get it! It’s beautiful!!
Haven’t been reading a lot! Just read a short story that I was wanting to read for a long time, it gave me shivers. That’s what I’d expected, powerful writing. The strange part is that this is more than a century old tale. I skipped it back in college, foolish move, but this is a masterpiece, devote some time and go read this!!
I wanna read more, wanna get that habit back, I’ve become an infrequent reader. Don’t like that! Though I wish people could write like the tale mentioned above. The story and writing gets etched in your mind, so undertones in personal writings are common. Though the sheer quality is hard to find.
Coming back to why I’ve titled this (empty).
Non-verbal communication, and not gestures and the likes, just an empty message speaks much more than words can. Often the power of silence is underestimated, and feels nice, just allow it to take over and feel the force. Just giving it its due respect by giving titling this piece!
Btw, there are certain moments in cinema, which take you back to your days of innocence. There is one such scene in ‘Flashbacks of a fool’ that does this to me. It’s more to do with the music and lyrics, it takes you back! Oh, that feeling is bliss.
“Throw your precious gifts into the air
watch them fall down (when you were young)”
Found a similar thought in an old college friend’s blog as well. I mean we can take this as a subject and think of many more songs that take us back, but then if it happens unconsciously, it’s special.
And it felt nice to find a friend sharing the same thoughts!
I started abruptly, but then how do I end it?