The past 30 days have been a rollercoaster ride to say the least. For the mind more so than ever. The maturity does you in, and I hate that.In one way, envy the days of innocence for the sheer virginity of things around, but then the sheer knowledge has had an malignant influence on me if im allowed to be crude.
Try digesting this, dead past gets reincarnated, and comes like a storm, fiercer than previous times, affects you, and dies again with a greater impact. To the extent that even the present got affected and diseased.
Always prefer using metaphors, maybe its the fear of assertion that stops me from being detailed. Hate using the term messed up, its too commonly and bluntly used, the term’s abused. But yeah, complications surround me during such situations, to the extent taht something wih face value gets the bland tag from me. Am i really sick? or maybe its just the conscience talking… but yeah, sometimes the desire of the utopian makes me overlook the perfectly fine so to speak. I remember an old scribble of mine:
its a battle between what you have and what you want
how much is enough, how much is not?
if its humane to expect, then why stop?
satiety has no limits, so why this drop!
so is it better not to expect at all?
if yes, then i ain’t humane, me just a wall!
if love is what i want, pain is what i get,
my wants are ignored, my existence they forget.
i dun wanna live, i wanna die,
but you give me both, death as i live by!
seems so weird after 3 years…lame poet i was, if im allowed to call myself a poet. But then, found this scribble…kinda liked it. I get vague many a time, but then will try not to deviate. present as I put it, got diseased. Sometimes i hear myself saying, haven’t i learned from my past mistakes? and i bluntly answer, guess not. but then, things are better now, almost back to normal-almost!
Professionally too things are not the best. Work’s fine, just the people- some of them are sick. Office politics- a common term that’s been there…and everyone’s exposed to it. I have been exposed to it at my previous workplace. But now its affecting me much more; to start with I’m more involved. secondly, its this risen ego and that firebelly that asks me not to take shit. Still battling with the quest for diplomacy. Battling with taking in the crap without letting it affect me.
Dun wanna blame it on the age or ego…dun wanna blame anything
Dun wanna blame